What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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