My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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