she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
