i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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