just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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