I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
