I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
