Having a random hookup so left but love u
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
