Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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