i already hear my dad disowning me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
