so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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