I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
