Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
