Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
