worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
