Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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