did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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