At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
