I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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