Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
