she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
