I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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