the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
