May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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