I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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