i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's never too late to be topless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
