Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
