last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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