I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
