he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
