just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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