I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
