I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
