Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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