I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
