hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
