end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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