im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
