Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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