They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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