We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
