hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
