Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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