Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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