just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize