I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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