THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He shit in the fireplace
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
