Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
