so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
