I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
