I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
