Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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