She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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