Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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