I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
