I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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