If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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