If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
