i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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