just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
