I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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