NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
