my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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