Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
