you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
